who am i?

someone has stolen my identity. or at least my debit card number. they charged over $900 over two days at a tobacco store. whaaaa? they also charged some airplane tickets. i mean, seriously... how dumb do you have to be? they're SO getting caught.

so, i'm without money. without a checking account. without a financial identity for the next few weeks. blech.

i have to admit, it makes me want revenge. i've always considered myself to be fairly gracious when it comes to others wronging me. mostly because i've made more than my share of mistakes. i tend to feel sympathetic toward the idiots out there because, let's face it: i'm one of them.

but, goshdarnitall, don't mess with my money or my credit! good grief!

so, i called the bank, the police departments of my home city and the city in which the crime was perpetrated, the managers of the stores where the fraud occurred, the airline, the manager of the store from which i think the card number was stolen, the credit bureaus, the check companies (equifax, etc), the security companies for the stores involved...

you know how wrestlers get cauliflower ear from so much trauma to the head? i think my ear is forming cell phone calluses. gross, right?

sometimes i just can't help it: the world-weariness falls over me and i can't hold up beneath its weight. in these times, i so desperately want to call out for release from the longings that cannot be satisfied in this place. from the pain and the pang that happens when i see the beauty of life juxtaposed with its bitterness. from the tears that never seem to dry, no matter how furiously i wipe them away. from the all-too-familiar feeling of the cold hand of time on my shoulder reminding me of all the things undone and yet to accomplish. from the persistent awareness that i fail on far too many levels.

i want a home. a real home: a place that is warm and safe from the driving rain of my uncertainty. i'm not sure whether it comes from being a "foreigner in a foreign land" or whether it's something else altogether – more human than sacred in origin.

either way, the answer is elusive.

but i'm holding on to the fact that there will come a day when i will meet the solution to all of these pains and failings and questions.